Are we pushing our kids too hard?

This title appears in the cover story of Time magazine dated March 27, 2006. Over-scheduling our kids with endless extra tuition sessions, piano lessons, tennis classes, late-night homework and much more seems to be a common practice in most Asian countries. The story cites examples from China, Hong Kong, Singapore, Japan and Korea where parents are eager to provide their kids a head start and signing them up for everything from weekend prep courses for under-sixes to boarding schools for toddlers. They desperately want their kids to do well in life and deeply believe that only relentlessly hard work and a top-notch education can raise the odds of success.

What is the price of excellence? Being a rich dad is definitely the answer. Spending more than HKD$10,000 per month for kids' extra lessons is not uncommon in most Hong Kong's middle class families. Parents are obligated to buy HKD$200,000 school bonds if their kids are so lucky to be admitted by some prestigious international schools. Apart from financial cost, are we preparing kids for success at the expense of their mental health? Research done by clinical psychologists points out that overstressed kids are more prone to schizophrenia (a mental disease).Although not all overscheduled kids are going to develop full blown mental diseases, quite a large number of them will lose interest in study. “Many parents want to show off their children. The child understands that what’s important is not education but that he is a status symbol for his parents” says Dr. Aruna Broota, a clinical psychologist at the University of Delhi. This explains why many excellent performers in PISA (An international study on students’ performance in mathematics, science and language) lose their enthusiasm in study once they get admitted to the University. This is certainly a disadvantage in a rapid changing world in which only the life-long learners can have the edge on others.

Do parents know the drawbacks of over-scheduling their kids? Yes, but they are so helpless and succumb to the social pressure. If today's parents do not fill their children's every waking hour with study, or at least organized activity, they risk social disapproval. As one Hong Kong parent says, “I was regarded as an irresponsible parent, because they were not doing enough.” In Japan, a country once notorious for burdening children, is now adhering to a policy of yutori kyoiku (relaxed education). However, the great majority of parents are deeply suspicious of yutori-kyoiku and their concerns are exacerbated by the declining results from a student-assessment test carried out among OECD countries in 2003. Parents send their kids to private schools where science teachers are qualified to doctorate level. “Most of the parents who send kids here are dissatisfied with the standards of public education.” Says Sachiko Kishi, a Kumon teacher in Tokyo. So despite the best efforts of the government to reduce study loads, many parents are working their kids harder than ever.

Is future success in the work place an assured result for kids receiving such intensive training? Children may do well in academic subjects after taking part in extra- tuition classes organized by parents but such a highly scheduled time-table may deprive children of the opportunity of learning how to manage their time and plan their life. Last Saturday over 2000 parents attended a seminar on examination skills required for tackling the new HKCEE syllabus organized by local cramming schools. One parent says, “I organize all the notes and examination materials for my kids, I also plan a revision time-table for them and I am so delighted to serve as a secretary of my kids.” Are parents doing too much? Do they take away the responsibility of learning from their kids? Can young people cope with the challenge in the work place if they are not under parents' tight schedule? Should parents rethink what is appropriate for their kids? Parents have to let go of their fixations with status and social superiority, and to recognize their children not as appendages but as individuals. The most important thing that parents have to do is to simply spend time with their kids. If they forget that, they have surely forgotten the most important lesson of all.